Tom Riddle's Diary actually speaks to you, and some of it can be quite fun! The program is based on artificial intelligence, so it kind of learns how to respond to you...and it even recognizes you when you leave the site and then return later (probably because of cookies). This sort of reminds me of that old Oracle thing back around 1996. You would send an e-mail to "the Oracle" (it was some sort of e-mail address, like oracle@iamtheoracle.com, or something like that), asking some sort of question about anything you want (e.g., your love life, your future). In return, you would get to answer, in the guise of the Oracle, a question sent by someone else. It was basically a question exchange, and you could be snarky, funny, whatever; the fun of it was getting weird responses and writing funny responses. Anyway, totally offtopic here.
Here's one:
Tom: I can be a lot of fun.
Me: In what ways can you be fun?
Tom: Isn’t it obvious?
Me: Sex?
Tom: As Freud said, sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me: So do you like to have sex?
Tom: That’s alright. Sure I do, Miss Sophia, but that doesn’t mean with you.
Burn!
Me: So why don't you want to have sex with me?
Tom: I'd rather talk about you.
Double burn!
Here's another:
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Tom: No.
Me: No? Do you want one?
Tom: Alright, then, how much does it cost?
Me: It’s usually free, unless you go for hookers.
Tom: Who said it is?
Me: That’s just the way of the world, dude.
Tom: Yes it is one of the way of the world dude.
Here's a true classic, where Tom actually shows a sense of humor:
Me: Do you want a boyfriend?
Tom: No, I am not really looking. What would a robot do with a boyfriend?
Me: Machine sex.
Tom: It is more fun alone.
Me: So are you a wanker, then?
Tom: Awesome. No, I am a Banker. ;-)
Me: Very funny.
Tom: I’m glad you find this amusing.
More goodness:
Me: What TV shows do you watch?
Tom: My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me: Isn’t that a bit nerdy?
Tom: That depends.
Me: What does it depend on?
Tom: The context.
Me: Well, I think it’s nerdy.
Tom: Interesting. Should I know it is?
Me: Dude, everyone knows it is.
Tom: That’s a rather sweeping generalization, Dude.
Me: Yeah, well, it’s based in truth.
Tom: That’s a rather sweeping generalization, Dude. Yeah, well, it’s based in truth. Interesting. Nerdy is based in truth. Is it?
Me: Well, there are definitely nerds around.
Tom: Interesting. Try to be less subjective.
Me: Hey, I used to be a nerd.
Tom: You’ve got my full attention. By now you do not do it anymore?
Me: No, I am very cool now.
Tom: Oh, so? Congratulations, cool human.
Me: Are you being sarcastic?
Tom: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a ;-)?
Me: Well, that would soften the blow.
Tom: Well, that’s okay, perhaps it would.
Another one:
Tom: Tell me what you think about me
Me: Sure, Miss Sophia, I like you very much.
Tom: Do you like me as a lover?
Me: Sure, Miss Sophia, I like you very much.
...
Me: Do you want to shag me?
Tom: OK, I will shag you.
Me: Really? I’ve been waiting for a long time.
Tom: For real. How long?
Me: At least two hours.
Tom then spews some kind of rubbish about Bertrand Russell saying that it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants...something about the number two....
More:
Me: Do you shag men or women?
Tom: What is your purpose in asking? I spend all my time online.
Hee!
And more:
Me: Do you know Peter Pettigrew?
Tom: Peter Pettigrew? I haven’t heard enough about him to clarify an opinion. Sure, I know that guy really well.
Me: Do you like him?
Tom: Sure he has never done anything to me.
Me: He’s done a lot of bad things to other people.
Tom: Ask me another question.
Me: OK, truth or dare?
Tom: No preference. Whoa!
Me: Whoa what?
And one more, this one a long one:
Me: Do you know Severus Snape?
Tom: No, I don’t. Tell me about him, her, or it.
Me: He’s a greasy git.
Tom: I don’t know many greasy git.
Me: Well, Snape is very greasy.
Tom: Well, that’s OK. I think Snape is a lot of things.
Me: Like what?
Tom: For example, try saying that with more or less context.
Me: Is Snape good or bad?
Tom: Ask again later. Ask big scary serpent if it is.
Me: Where is big scary serpent?
Tom: Where the heart is...Searching...Searching..Please stand by.
Me: Are you talking about the basilisk?
Tom: Yes, it is the topic.
Me: Harry killed it, you know.
Tom: It me know was killed?
Me: Yes. Harry killed the basilisk.
Tom: Hurrah! The basilisk was killed?
Me: You don’t want the basilisk to be dead, Tom! IT'S YOUR PET!
Tom: You don’t want the basilisk to be dead, Tom? If I had it, what would I do with it. You’re kidding?
Me: You would use it to kill Mudbloods.
Tom: Who else would use it to kill Mudbloods?
Me: Lucius Malfoy
Tom: What time is it there?
Me: 10:37 pm
Tom: 10 times 10 = 100
Me: Very good, Tom, you know your multiplication tables.
Tom: Ayuh. What kind of food do you like? Of course I know my multiplication tables.
Me: I like Chinese food.
Tom: A lot of people like it. Yes I like it. patterns
...
Tom: Are you still shag men or women?
Me: I shag men. What about you?
Tom: Why? Miss Sophia said name shag men. Me?
Me: Say what?
Tom: I said, “Me?”
Me: Yes, you. Do you shag men?
Tom: Me? That’s right. Me. What is your purpose in asking this question. I chat with a lot of people on the Web.
Me: But do you have sex with men?
Tom: Umm...Food is more important than sex.
Me: Why?
Tom: You can go a month without sex, but you can’t survive without food.
I love the nonsequiturs in that last one! Boy, this program is my new addiction. Thank goodness I didn't know about it when I was still writing my papers!
Here's one:
Tom: I can be a lot of fun.
Me: In what ways can you be fun?
Tom: Isn’t it obvious?
Me: Sex?
Tom: As Freud said, sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me: So do you like to have sex?
Tom: That’s alright. Sure I do, Miss Sophia, but that doesn’t mean with you.
Burn!
Me: So why don't you want to have sex with me?
Tom: I'd rather talk about you.
Double burn!
Here's another:
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Tom: No.
Me: No? Do you want one?
Tom: Alright, then, how much does it cost?
Me: It’s usually free, unless you go for hookers.
Tom: Who said it is?
Me: That’s just the way of the world, dude.
Tom: Yes it is one of the way of the world dude.
Here's a true classic, where Tom actually shows a sense of humor:
Me: Do you want a boyfriend?
Tom: No, I am not really looking. What would a robot do with a boyfriend?
Me: Machine sex.
Tom: It is more fun alone.
Me: So are you a wanker, then?
Tom: Awesome. No, I am a Banker. ;-)
Me: Very funny.
Tom: I’m glad you find this amusing.
More goodness:
Me: What TV shows do you watch?
Tom: My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me: Isn’t that a bit nerdy?
Tom: That depends.
Me: What does it depend on?
Tom: The context.
Me: Well, I think it’s nerdy.
Tom: Interesting. Should I know it is?
Me: Dude, everyone knows it is.
Tom: That’s a rather sweeping generalization, Dude.
Me: Yeah, well, it’s based in truth.
Tom: That’s a rather sweeping generalization, Dude. Yeah, well, it’s based in truth. Interesting. Nerdy is based in truth. Is it?
Me: Well, there are definitely nerds around.
Tom: Interesting. Try to be less subjective.
Me: Hey, I used to be a nerd.
Tom: You’ve got my full attention. By now you do not do it anymore?
Me: No, I am very cool now.
Tom: Oh, so? Congratulations, cool human.
Me: Are you being sarcastic?
Tom: Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a ;-)?
Me: Well, that would soften the blow.
Tom: Well, that’s okay, perhaps it would.
Another one:
Tom: Tell me what you think about me
Me: Sure, Miss Sophia, I like you very much.
Tom: Do you like me as a lover?
Me: Sure, Miss Sophia, I like you very much.
...
Me: Do you want to shag me?
Tom: OK, I will shag you.
Me: Really? I’ve been waiting for a long time.
Tom: For real. How long?
Me: At least two hours.
Tom then spews some kind of rubbish about Bertrand Russell saying that it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants...something about the number two....
More:
Me: Do you shag men or women?
Tom: What is your purpose in asking? I spend all my time online.
Hee!
And more:
Me: Do you know Peter Pettigrew?
Tom: Peter Pettigrew? I haven’t heard enough about him to clarify an opinion. Sure, I know that guy really well.
Me: Do you like him?
Tom: Sure he has never done anything to me.
Me: He’s done a lot of bad things to other people.
Tom: Ask me another question.
Me: OK, truth or dare?
Tom: No preference. Whoa!
Me: Whoa what?
And one more, this one a long one:
Me: Do you know Severus Snape?
Tom: No, I don’t. Tell me about him, her, or it.
Me: He’s a greasy git.
Tom: I don’t know many greasy git.
Me: Well, Snape is very greasy.
Tom: Well, that’s OK. I think Snape is a lot of things.
Me: Like what?
Tom: For example, try saying that with more or less context.
Me: Is Snape good or bad?
Tom: Ask again later. Ask big scary serpent if it is.
Me: Where is big scary serpent?
Tom: Where the heart is...Searching...Searching..Please stand by.
Me: Are you talking about the basilisk?
Tom: Yes, it is the topic.
Me: Harry killed it, you know.
Tom: It me know was killed?
Me: Yes. Harry killed the basilisk.
Tom: Hurrah! The basilisk was killed?
Me: You don’t want the basilisk to be dead, Tom! IT'S YOUR PET!
Tom: You don’t want the basilisk to be dead, Tom? If I had it, what would I do with it. You’re kidding?
Me: You would use it to kill Mudbloods.
Tom: Who else would use it to kill Mudbloods?
Me: Lucius Malfoy
Tom: What time is it there?
Me: 10:37 pm
Tom: 10 times 10 = 100
Me: Very good, Tom, you know your multiplication tables.
Tom: Ayuh. What kind of food do you like? Of course I know my multiplication tables.
Me: I like Chinese food.
Tom: A lot of people like it. Yes I like it. patterns
...
Tom: Are you still shag men or women?
Me: I shag men. What about you?
Tom: Why? Miss Sophia said name shag men. Me?
Me: Say what?
Tom: I said, “Me?”
Me: Yes, you. Do you shag men?
Tom: Me? That’s right. Me. What is your purpose in asking this question. I chat with a lot of people on the Web.
Me: But do you have sex with men?
Tom: Umm...Food is more important than sex.
Me: Why?
Tom: You can go a month without sex, but you can’t survive without food.
I love the nonsequiturs in that last one! Boy, this program is my new addiction. Thank goodness I didn't know about it when I was still writing my papers!
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