January 28th, 2009

Mommyhood - @homemom

NINJA MOMMY WINS THE BATTLE!

Yesterday, Meghan went from 8:15 am until 9:20 pm without a single nap, with the exception of a 7-minute car ride around 7:30 and a 10-minute car ride around 9:00. Over 13 hours without a nap for a 10-month-old is RIDICULOUS. And it wasn't for lack of trying, either: I let her scream in her crib from 2 to 3 pm and again from 5 to 5:45 pm. And by the end of it all, I was really angry. Unreasonably so, and I think it was because she had won the battle, and I hate losing (especially when my victory would be a good outcome for her -- I mean, children need to sleep, you know???). And then on top of it all, she slept like shit last night, so it's not like she crashed to make up for her lack of sleep.

Well, today I AM THE VICTOR, HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Forty-five minutes of screaming in her crib, with me checking in just once (as opposed to every 10 minutes, which is what I had done yesterday), and she's finally given up! I sneaked up there 5 minutes ago -- and this is where the ninja part comes in, because our stairs are pretty creaky, which I knew would cause her to start screaming again, so I had to creep up on all fours at times -- and while she wasn't asleep, she was finally lying down with her head on one of her stuffed animals.

I will take what victories I can snatch up!

Of course, now I'm feeling all guilty and second-guessy, because what if she simply wasn't tired, and what if I'm a bad mom for letting her scream all that time by herself, but...yeah, she'll be better off for having a nap.

I feel like she is a horse and I am breaking her. But I know she will be so much better off if she just naps consistently every day -- and so will I, because I need some time to myself, so that I can appreciate her more later on.

Back to backreading.